Department of Awkward Conversations

Things I've never quite had the nerve to say when the wrong person asks me, "So... how are you doing?":

I'm rocking, except for the fact that my body is collapsing all around me.

Cancer is a great teacher. I now understand the impulse behind suicide AND infanticide. 

[Spoken with a demented grin:] Great! [Also: "Peachy!" "Fab!" "Grand!" "Super!"]

Ah, you know, it's Wednesday -- humped back day.

Not bad for a metastasis Monday...

How about those Raiders?

Something difficult I wish I had said more the many times when it was true:

Kind of terrible, but thank you so much for asking.

What I would say right now if someone popped the question:

Kind of terrible, but thank you so much for asking.