Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My wicked, wicked ways

Two examples:

1) Toys 'R Us gives me hives and yet... every time I try to get out, they pull me right back in. I made my way over there yesterday in the hopes of filling in a last couple Christmas presents and saw a car with several bumper stickers espousing views I find despicable. Apparently intending to shame an inanimate object for carrying perfectly mainstream political messages, I decide to raise my middle finger at the bumper. The lot is crawling with toddlers. I sheepishly furl the finger and slowly make my way into the crowded, denuded store through the vestibule that always smells like stale cigarette smoke.

2) I'm making dinner, and T. is hungry. She expresses this by saying "I'm hungry I'm hungry I AM HUNGRY I'm Hungry I'm Hungry I'm Hungry I AM hungry Hungry..." The only thing missing from the prison riot was the tattoo of tin cups being banged against bars. I'm trying to finish the cooking as my blood pressure is redlining, and finally I throw some food on a plate and say, "Ok, T., it's ready. Come to the table [undertone] you little jerk." Later, of course, both children were so unbelievably cute and charming that my heart split open.

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